Taxation and niceness

The lotto jackpot in New York reached 144 million last week. As my friend Michele and I drove past the huge billboard reading those unimaginable numbers one evening, Michele said, “I don’t even know what I would do if I won the jackpot.” I said, “I do!” I continued to tell her my plan of paying off my student loans and my immediate family’s mortgages and bills, because I said, “then it’s not a gift and they don’t have to pay taxes on it.” And Michele, financial pro that she is, says, “Actually, that is a gift. Sorry to ruin it for you.” Appalled, I asked, “Even if I didn’t give them the money, I just lightened their burden?!!” 

 ”Yup,” she replied. Trying to find a way around the gift tax limitations, I said, “Well, I could put the mortgage in both our names, pay it off, and then sign it back over to them.” She said, “Nope, signing it over to them is a gift.” Ug. I mean, come on!!!  Michele then told me there are limits on personal gifting above which the government taxes you. It seems so unfair. I mean, I know I’ll never win the lottery–because I don’t play!– but just the idea that someone with good monetary fortune cannot help others without being penalized for it depresses me! I’m sure there was logic for the law (such as corporations finding ways to fiddle with their records under the guise of “charitable giving”), but this just seems preposterous!  Our government taxes being nice. I suppose I could live with it more if I knew the taxes I paid went to things I cared about and not things I didn’t approve of, but that is not how things work. 

So where’s the positive? What’s there to be happy about when, if you had money to share, there are rules and regulations that limit your generosity? I have decided I should be grateful I am not wealthy in my finances, because it would be a constant battle to be as “nice” as I would like if I were endowed with uber amounts of moolah.  The government doesn’t blink at the mediocre amounts I can afford to give charitably.

As soon as I realized how lucky I am to just have what I have and to give what I can without worrying about a penalty, I remembered the type of wealth that spans all income brackets. I am wealthy in love and friends and health, and that is such a blessing! My joy, my happiness, my positivity, my appreciation for these things: I can share all those things as much as I can muster! Like the India Arie song There’s Hope goes, “…It doesn’t cost a thing to smile, you don’t have to pay to laugh; you better thank God for that!”

Be Nice Twice

There is a very easy, simple and thoughtful way for any person to be nice… twice!  It occurred to me when I realized how un-nice I was being and didn’t realize it. See, when I work out at the gym, I usually warm-up on the treadmill for 10 minutes and then pop down to the mats to do strengthening and stretching exercises, after which I do more cardio and wipe down my machine afterward. But what I was not doing was wiping down my treadmill the first time I used it. I rationalized my inaction by the fact that I touched the buttons only 4-5 times when I used the machine and didn’t sweat. But touching buttons is touching buttons. Who knows what germs I may have spread by not wiping down the machine. Not to mention, if it were the other way around, I bet I’d be writing about whosoever was inconsiderate and didn’t wipe down their machine! Shame on me!

So, that’s how easy it is to be nice–twice: first, be nice to your body by working out in the first place. Exercise has a number of benefits that I will have to share another time. And second, thoroughly wipe down your equipment and your mat.  I’m sure we would all like the same done for us. If we all thought the way I did before today, those machines would be pretty dirty! And no one wants to exercise on top of someone else’s sweat and germs.

© Be Nice. Creator and Be Nice. (somethingsonice.wordpress.com), 2008-2010

Conan is awesome

Conan on Rolling Stone magazine. (image source: ozonetv.wordpress.com)

My husband and I couldn’t stay up late to watch the entire last episode of Conan on the Tonight Show Friday night. But luckily thanks to Hulu we watched it last night! I have always loved Conan and his sense of humor–I loved his show more than any of the other late night hosts’ shows. But on that last show, I was more impressed with him than ever before. At the end of the segment, Conan explained that he did indeed have the right to say anything he wanted about NBC. And out of all the words he could have spoken, Conan spent those moments thanking NBC for being so good to him for twenty-plus years. Yes, he acknowledged their differences, but then focused on the much more substantial positive experiences he has had with NBC for the two decades earlier. 

We can all take this attitude to heart: how many marriages get caught up in petty arguments, ignorant of 20 years of good times? How many employees grow with resentment or indifference with a job that at one time gave them challenges, excitement, meaning, and fulfillment? Conan’s speech reminds us that people change, our desires change, and this is all very natural. But we cannot turn a blind eye in our frustration to the goodness and growth we gained from our experiences, no matter how they may end up.

He closed his speech with a note about cynicism and being kind.  It was beautiful and something so many people need to hear every day. I have a great deal of respect for him for this particular part of his speech. Here is an excerpt:

[To my fans]…all I ask is one thing…. Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it’s my least favorite quality. It doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you are kind, amazing things will happen. I’m telling you, amazing things will happen. I’m telling you! It’s just true! It’s true!…

Absolutely beautiful words. Couldn’t agree more!

Science of Happiness

59 Seconds by Richard Wiseman

I long while back, I stumbled upon the Richard Wiseman Blog, which contained a post about the Science of Happiness.  I recommend you take a look at Wiseman’s sites–they are pretty great! It seems that a lot of things he researches are ways to live life and have everything be a little nicer.

Check out the comments below the post announcing the experiment results also. They are very telling about people’s overall outlook on life’s experiences.

His book, 59 Seconds, is based on his research. Hope you enjoy reading!

Giving, getting…

It can be irritating around December-time. How can it be fun to find just the right gift for your loved-one when you have to deal with the frantic crowds on the roadways rushing to the malls, the cranky people having come from the traffic now madly navigating through the stores, and the frustrated over-worked employees helping all those “negative Nancy’s”?

What really gets some folks this time of year is the constant requests for charity. There are people who really hate the bell ringers and the appeals. Luckily, I haven’t had the misfortune of running into too many of them!  But it is hard not to see the darker side of what is supposedly the “giving” season.

During this time of year, try to focus on a feeling of pride for our society for having so many charities. It is unfortunate that people suffer and cannot fully provide for themselves, but isn’t it great that there are so many who make it a point to organize and help those struggling people? That is special, rare… and one of the best bits of human nature. Take a moment to be grateful that we are exempt from needing that assistance. Indeed, many of us are blessed enough to be giving gifts to our families and friends this time of year!  

But even still, we all (hopefully) have the privilege of being surrounded by the warmth of loved ones–the whole reason for these gift-exchanges in the first place! We are lucky enough to be met with awesome individuals who spend their spare time ringing a bell, running a marathon in the brisk cold, or giving their money or time to philanthropic organizations. Truly, at this time of year, we are in the best kind of company.

Happy holidays, happy solstice, happy New Year!

Jar full o’ cookies

  

Homemade Gifts in a Jar by SquawkFox.com (image copyright: Squawkfox.com)

A lot of people get married for the gifts and the party. My husband and I got married because we loved each other–you know, all those warm fuzzy reasons you say the “I do’s”.  For us, the gifts and the little party were the awesome bonuses that made it feel extra special and meaningful.  

That got me thinking… it’s a tough time of year. Many people cannot afford to give gifts for the holidays or for special events.  But there are a lot of things you can do instead. It is (or should be) the thought that matters most. These days, taking the time to congratulate someone, or send them a thoughtful note/gift, means a great deal when there seems to be so much to do and pay attention to. 

Here is a list of ideas that may take your time, but take much less money: 

For a romantic gift: 

• Arrange a romantic night for your significant other: candles, a hot bath, a foot/body massage, cooking their favorite meal….
• Fill an envelope of coupons for your friend, roomie, or loved one. (good for anyone!) Some coupon ideas could be: doing the dishes for a week, veto of a movie pick, cooking dinner for a week, cleaning the house–top to bottom, a relaxing foot massage, an evening free from watching the kids for much-needed “me” time…. You get the idea.I did this for Jake, and he is saving them to use over years and years!
• Give them a whole day where they don’t have to “do” anything they don’t want to–you take all the stress, all the tasks and chores, everything!
• One year I made a huge jar of 2 dozen pickled eggs for my guy–he loved them! Only cost me 5 bucks!

For a friend or loved one: 

• Make cookie, granola, or soup mixes in a jar. (Click the above picture for great suggestions from www.SquawkFox.com)
• Make a phone call to someone you have been planning to chat with for ages.  Talking with someone ”live” is so much more meaningful than a typical gift bought at a big box store, or a brief email or text message.
• Design a handmade card just to say, “I’m thinking about you.”
• Bake a homemade batch of cookies, fudge, or other sweets.
• Make a homemade ornament for their tree.
• Do them a favor: watch their kids for a night, or maybe help them unpack those boxes from their move a year ago!
• Invite them over for dinner and play games or visit.
• Create a small photo album with pictures they would enjoy–or a disc would do too!
• Compile a care package if they are having a tough time, or moving. Fill it with silly things: a can of soup, a box of cereal, dried fruit, an old nostalgic photo, a little letter,… comfort items.
• Make a scrap-book for them (My sister-in-law made me one of these my first year I moved far far away. It made me cry!).
• Compose a mix CD of your favorite tunes.

For a special event: 

• Write a hand-written note to the person you wish to congratulate. When we got married, there were folks who conveyed their congratulations in really thoughtful, sincere notes and cards. Those meant the world to us–just to know they were giving us their support and affection.
• Give them a basket of local goodies/fresh produce.
• Find a great, affordable antique or vintage item from a local shop or flea market.
• Give them something of yours that is heirloom, or treasured–maybe they always wanted it. My aunt gave me a 20-year-old cookie jar from her collection! My friend hand-embroidered towels and hand-sewed a quilt!!

Sometimes it’s the things that cost the least that mean the most, because you put your time and heart into it. Truly grateful and loving people are always most touched by a thoughtful effort–no matter the cost!

Clean, heated water

I bet a lot of you were asked, or thought about, what you were grateful for this time of year. The turkey, the pie! Family, friends, a job…. Personally, I’m thankful for clean, heated water every morning. So nice in the winter months and many aren’t so lucky. But whatever we are thankful for, our minds collectively and very quickly (say, by 4 AM on Black Friday) turn to what we don’t have, what we want, and what we expect to get in the next 30 days.

I suppose it is only natural to think of what we want. I remember my childhood bedtime prayer: Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, guide me safely through the night, and wake me with the morning light.   But my mother also included a section in our night-time prayers for what we were thankful for, which always followed our requests: blessings for our loved ones, friends and neighbors. It seems to be a habit, a mindset: be grateful and you might be more likely to get what you ask for. Not bad logic really. It’s better than just expecting to get everything and being thankful for none of it.

But I have an idea. Let us extend  the “grateful for’s” this season. When we sit this December perusing the aisles, looking over websites and magazines, cultivating lists of desired items that we may or may not need, let us keep a steady thought on just everything we do have. Think of all the loved ones which surround us who care enough to give a gift this year. Think how lucky we are to have the income to buy frivolous things. Think of the privileges and comforts we have in our society that many communities in the world struggle to attain. These are things to be especially grateful for not just one day out of the year, but every day of our lives.  

© Be Nice. Creator and Be Nice. (somethingsonice.wordpress.com), 2008-2009.

Share the road

It was a beautiful day. Sunny sky, sixty degrees in the northeast in November. Gorgeous. I had woken up early and gotten so much work done. Just off to the store for a few odds and ends… dental floss, facial tissues, and shampoo. We parked our car, and should have sensed it then–the frenzy, the cars jetting through the parking lot. But we didn’t.

No, we didn’t get run into while driving. (Had ya guessing though, didn’t I?) But as we walked to the store, two women approached on the same sidewalk. My husband and I naturally moved to single-file walking, and expected the other women to do the same. But they didn’t. They kept walking side by side. I was determined not to surrender the half of the sidewalk to which I was entitled. So I continued walking. But in the game of pedestrian “chicken,” I lost and got my goose cooked. My husband and I were rudely, mindlessly shoved onto the roadway, into traffic. Not cool. 

So for those of you who share the sidewalks like we share the roads (stay to the right, walk single-file with oncoming traffic), right on! And if you don’t, well, do try in the future. It’s an easy courtesy and one that takes almost no effort!

© Be Nice. Creator and Be Nice. (somethingsonice.wordpress.com), 2008-2009

Funny honey

Another piece of wedding advice I received from my aunts and grandmothers, which I think is one of the most important elements to a healthy marriage is this: 

When times are stressful, when times get difficult or tense, have a little humor. Make a joke, mention a funny memory, point out the oddity of the situation–the irony. Have a little fun with each other–something you can count on to lighten the mood. Humor can heal all sorts of wounds, hurts, and anxieties.

On a cautious note, do remember to whom you are speaking. You wouldn’t want to pull a Sex and the City moment, where Charlotte can’t conceive a baby and her husband buys her a cardboard baby cut out as a joke. Probably not the best idea. Sometimes a well-meant joke can be taken as an insult or a slap in the face and worsen the experience.

Know your situation, know your partner, and know what’s appropriate. But know that humor can diffuse many emotional bombs–so it’s always worth a try!

 

© Be Nice. Creator and Be Nice. (somethingsonice.wordpress.com), 2008-2009

A little surprise can brighten a day

Little notes filled with amorous words

My honey and I recently got hitched. It was a pretty great time, and we were blessed with a huge amount of family support. One of my favorite things was the advice that I was “showered” with for my bridal shower. All my aunts and grandmothers wrote me little tidbits of advice for a long happy marriage. My grandparents have been together for 55-60 years each. My aunts and uncles, 30 or so.

What was great about the advice was the surprise that my husband and I already do some of the things. A few times this year, I’ve been taken away on trips–one for business, one for family. We spend a lot of time together, as we have worked with one another (so to speak) for three years. When I left both times, I had the opportunity to slyly leave Jake little notes for him to find later.  A note in the coffee can, one on the TV, one on the computer, in the shower, on the fridge. Each one said something different–something sweet, cute, funny, and dirty (of course!). It was fun for him to find all the notes while I was gone–especially when one was evading him even upon my return! 

Lots of ways to say it

Little things like that show a person you are thinking about them. Thoughtful notes now and again, out of the blue, can really strengthen a relationship and keep it fun and interesting. Who knows what a well-placed and cleverly timed note could do for a marriage? 

© Be Nice. Creator and Be Nice. (somethingsonice.wordpress.com), 2008-2009